REGINA – Local slacker Jeremy Sampson recently asked Polly Peterson, his girlfriend of four years, to enter into a common-law-engagement with him over a cup of 7-11’s fanciest Ramen noodles.
Said the 29 year-old Sampson, “All my friends are getting married now, and it seemed like Polly wanted to take the next step too, but weddings are a lot of work and I would rather spend my money on expanding my Magic: The Gathering collection.”
Sampson initially hoped not to have to propose to Polly at all, but after she caught her fifth bridal bouquet last month, Sampson sensed it was a “shit or get off the pot moment.” After two weeks of pondering whether to propose to his girlfriend in between bouts of playing Super Mario and pretending to write cover letters, the idea for a common-law-engagement finally dawned on him.
“My buddy Tyler tried to break up with his live-in girlfriend last year, but apparently, because they’d been together for five years or something, she was technically his wife and he had to get a lawyer. It was a real bummer.” Of course, Sampson’s friend’s loss was not without a silver lining. “It occurred to me that instead of planning and paying for a big wedding, Polly and I could just shack up and wait to be common-law married.” Said Sampson.
He later added, “I feel our bond has gotten even deeper now that I’ve got Polly on the clock.”
Sampson proposed by presenting Polly with a ring pop during the commercial break of a Family Guy rerun, asking Polly if she would make him the “happiest man-child alive.”
When asked how she feels about being common-law engaged, Ms. Peterson replied, “Well, it’s not the sort of proposal I had hoped for, but at least there’s always common-law divorce.”
The couple are currently registered at Costco. While the couple will forgo any sort of official ceremony, they plan to walk down aisle 6 of their local No Frills, where they will purchase a box of No Name rice to throw into a boiling pot of water at home.
