OTTAWA – Just hours after ending a 6-week-long hunger strike, Theresa Spence, Chief of the Attawapiskat First Nation, announced she is ignoring all medical advice and commencing an eating s…
Stephen Harper finally caves to pressure from animal spirit guide
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Stephen Harper finally agreed to meet with an assembly of Aboriginal leaders on January 11th, after bowing to pressure from his animal spirit guide, Odjiig. “It is a…
NRA suggests nation’s kindergarteners bring their assault rifles to class
WASHINGTON – In the wake of the second deadliest school shooting in US history at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Conn., the National Rifle Association has recommended that every single e…
Stranded soul of Christopher Hitchens skeptical of own existence
HOUSTON, TX – After passing one year ago today while undergoing treatment for esophageal cancer, the wandering ethereal remains of author and staunch skeptic Christopher Hitchens continues …
Santa lays off hundreds of elves, blames Obamacare
NORTH POLE – Santa Claus, the perennial bringer of Christmas joy, laid off 244 worker elves yesterday, while slashing hours and benefits to those who remain, citing costs of the Obamacare m…
Paul Ryan to climb own widow’s peak
JANESVILLE, WI – Paul Ryan, the notoriously athletic and daring former vice-presidential candidate, has chosen to relax from the grueling campaign trail by taking on the monumental task of …
Bored CERN scientists discover what happens to cat in Large Hadron Collider
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – Researchers at CERN, left with little to do after completing the majority of experimentation toward the confirmation of the Higgs Boson, put a live cat into the Large …
Vampire lesbians in movies are much more attractive than actual vampire lesbians
By Melvin Silver PhD Candidate in Cinema Studies at the University of Toronto Vampire lesbians are a staple of horror films, spawning one of my favorite sub-genres. From the early and subtle appr…
