CAMBRIDGE, ON – At Green Lake Retirement Community on Thursday, Bertha Hallsworth, 82, was just making up names and stories about the pictures of people while looking at a photo album with …
Republicans looking forward to using less racism, more sexism
WASHINGTON D.C. – In the wake of Hillary Clinton’s announcement that she will be running for President of the United States of America, many Republicans are relieved that they will be able …
Jurors in Mike Duffy trial each receive mysterious $90,000 cheque
OTTAWA – Before the start of what will be the political trial of the year, the jurors deciding the fate of embattled Senator Mike Duffy have inexplicably all received a cheque for $90,000. …
Stephen Harper extends Canada’s arctic territory by peeing on North Pole
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced today that the United Nations has accepted his proposed extension to Canada’s arctic border after providing proof that he had urinated on th…
Edward Snowden sick of Vladimir Putin just wanting to hang out all the time
MOSCOW – According to sources, NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden is getting sick and tired of having to spend much of his day “chilling” with Russian President, Vladimir Putin. Snowden, who …
Terrorists applaud anti-terror legislation for eroding much-hated freedom
OTTAWA – Militant Islamic groups from around the world have applauded Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s recently passed anti-terror legislation for chipping away at the Western-democ…
Man on deathbed asks children for iPhone 6
TORONTO – A 68 year-old man suffering from pancreatic cancer has asked his adult children to purchase him the new iPhone 6 so he can cross ‘experiencing all of Apple’s new features…
Puppy Bowl rocked by accusations squeaky balls intentionally deflated
LOS ANGELES – Animal Planet executives have been inundated with accusations that the squeaky balls used during the annual Puppy Bowl were severely deflated to fit the needs of lead quarter …
Leafs retaliate against jersey throwing fans by throwing zamboni back at them
TORONTO – The Toronto Maple Leafs got revenge by throwing the Air Canada Centre’s Zamboni at the three Leafs fans who threw their jerseys onto the ice at Monday’s game against t…
iPhone 6 to feature app that lets you know when iPhone 7 will be released
SAN FRANCISCO – Tech giant Apple has announced that their new iPhone 6 and the iPhone 6 Plus will both come pre-loaded with exclusive software to let you know when the iPhone 7 will be rele…
