OTTAWA – Militant Islamic groups from around the world have applauded Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s recently passed anti-terror legislation for chipping away at the Western-democratic style of freedom they so vehemently hate.
“We are pleased to see that your Prime Minister has seemingly aligned himself with our ideal of degrading the ugly and sinful freedom in which his country’s citizens so decadently wallow,” said Yousef Muammar Al-Jafar of the terror cell, Righteous Blade, a fighting group associated with ISIS in Iraq.
“Certainly we disagree on many things. Israel for example. But making it legal to target groups of his own citizens and detain them without charge for longer, or to allow his agents to use undefined methods to enforce his will without public accountability is a step in the right direction, and a move that I would make if I were leader of his disgusting nation.”
Online message boards associated with Islamic State groups have also praised the PM for solidifying a terrifying image out of them for the “infidel Canadians” to fear, which they say was as effective PR as “a dozen beheadings.” Commenters noted the proposed legislation comes in light of Canada’s own reaction to “two miserably executed and poorly planned attacks” by Islamic terror “hobbyists” late last year that killed, “fewer people than Canada’s own unclean Maple Leaf pork products.”
“Hopefully, Stephen Harper will do us the favour of imprisoning all his people to keep them safe after we actually attack them,” laughed Al-Jafar.
The terrorist leader noted other commonalities between him and the Canadian Prime Minister, including the silencing of scientists, belief in a strong petroleum based economy and both concluding that Thomas Mulcair and Justin Trudeau are, roughly translated, “the ugly, diseased, daughters of donkeys.”
“Your Prime Minister is not such a bad guy,” said Al-Jafar.
“I just wish he was as open with the media as we are.”
