OTTAWA – Following the passing of screen and comedy legend Catherine O’Hara, nationwide reports indicate that the only thing Canadians could use to cheer them up from their grief is Catherine O’Hara.
“I bet if she were here she’d say something perfectly timed and effortlessly hilarious,” said comedy fan Calvin Sterges, of Edmonton. “Or do one of her expert pieces of physical business, like when she tries to walk on the sprained ankle in Best In Show – ironically, that’s the only thing that could make me smile right now.”
Across Canada, respondents concur that the only possible remedy to their sadness over the untimely passing of the star of SCTV, Beetlejuice, A Mighty Wind, and The Studio would paradoxically be the now-impossible presence of O’Hara herself, a testament to the comedienne’s ability to create laughter powerful enough to overcome even the most disheartening of circumstances.
“Imagine if she saw us all this sad, and then in her bizarre Moira Rose voice was like, ‘Oh CanaDA, don’t BE so crestFALLen’,” supposed a tearful Aniti Parmar, of Kelowna, referring to O’Hara’s award-winning turn as the family matriarch on Schitt’s Creek. “Ideally there’d be wigs involved.”
Other Canadians focused on O’Hara’s famous warmth, which the Toronto-native demonstrated in films like Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost In New York. “The scene where she hugs Kevin at the end because she flew all the way home by herself to find him, I could sure use one of those right about now. From her, specifically,” added a red-eyed Jameson Carber of Halifax as he loaded up the holiday films on Netflix.
While Canadians polled universally agreed that having O’Hara alive and well and able to console them would be most preferable, many conceded that the next best thing would be a pint of ice cream and re-watching Waiting For Guffman for the dozenth time.
At press time Eugene Levy, Andrea Martin, Rick Moranis, Martin Short, and Dave Thomas have all been placed under round-the-clock protection for the good of Canada.
