HAMILTON, ON — Brad Hadley, 39, better known as the “so much for global warming” guy at his workplace, is having his best winter ever.
Hadley has been enjoying record levels of smug satisfaction based on the mistaken belief that a month of cold and snowy local weather disproves 175 years of rising global average temperatures.
“I like to hang out by the entrance so I can hit my coworkers with that zinger when they’re still frozen from outside. They’re always like ‘duhhhhhh,’” Hadley said, vibrating with joy. “I guess it’s hard to remember Greenpeace propaganda when your glasses are fogged up,” he said before high-fiving himself.
Co-worker Helen Blanchard says Hadley has been a new man lately: upbeat, brimming with laughter, and even doing happy-go-lucky dances in his cubicle whenever he posts “So much for global warming,” on the office Slack. “The last time we got a lot of snow, Brad ordered an ice cream cake for the office,” Blanchard explained. “He had Dairy Queen write ‘Cold Enough For Ya?’ on it, and what I think was supposed to be a picture of Al Gore crying.”
Hadley says he can’t remember every being happier. “The last month, it’s been like Christmas and my birthday and the day the Joker movie came out, all rolled into one,” said Hadley. “I’ll admit, it’s been getting pretty warm over the last decade or so, and it was kinda getting me down. But it’s snowing now, today, so I’m back, baby!” Hadley then did a series of hockey-inspired fist pumps.
While temperatures have been colder than average in much of the country, recent weeks have also seen unseasonably warm days in Western provinces and parts of the far north. But Hadley won’t let a little nuance hold him back. “My philosophy is simple: nothing is complicated. You can judge a book by its cover. And if you can’t fit your opinion on a hat, it’s B.S.,” said Hadley, while going desk-to-desk offering emergency hand-warmers and toques instead of working.
But despite Hadley’s in-your-face nature, he’s certain he hasn’t lost any friends at work. “People here may not ‘like me’ like me, but they know I’ve got the balls to stick to my opinions, no matter the evidence. And they respect that.” “I hate him,” said Blanchard. “And I have zero respect for him. I’ve told him that several times, to his face and in writing.”
When asked if he’ll miss these glory days once the warmer months arrive, Hadley scoffed, explaining that he’s got a summertime zinger ready to go.
“When someone moans that it’s the hottest July ever, I’ll get them with, ‘News Flash: It’s hot in the summer.’”
