OTTAWA – Following a heartbreaking 2-1 loss to Team USA at the Winter Olympics, viewers nationwide started a rewatch of the hockey romance series, Heated Rivalry, in search of a more uplifting version of Canadian male hockey players getting screwed.
“It was so frustrating watching all these guys trying to score on Hellebuyck, but he just didn’t let anyone in despite all these men just pounding on him,” said Lisa Gowan of Thornhill, ON, referring to Team Canada outshooting their rivals 42 to 28 and nothing else.
Graydon Belles, of Nanaimo, BC, agrees. “It’s so much more narratively and emotionally satisfying watching Shane Hollander come to terms with himself and opening his heart to his professional nemesis. And let him put the puck in the net, if y’know what I’m saying.”
Across the country, sleep-deprived Canadians agreed that they would have a much better time watching the recent Crave smash hit about sexy fictional hockey players than real life losing ones. “When players are told to hit the showers after a devastating loss, all they’re doing is thinking about what went wrong and how they can learn from the experience,” says Tariq Khan of Winnipeg, MB. “At least in Heated Rivalry, when they hit the showers, there’s a good chance of some hot action.”
Numerous Canadian viewers have also noted how this season of Olympic hockey storyline fell short overall, with both the Canadian men’s and women’s teams.
“I thought with all the cross border issues, it’d be such a great finale for both teams to win against the Americans, then maybe head to the cottage,” notes hockey fan and television watcher Anya Fullerton, of Red Deer, AB.
“Then to add insult to injury Team USA’s men’s team dedicates their win to the late Johnny Gaudreau AND the women’s team has Hilary Knight getting a marriage proposal!” adds Fullerton. “See, that’s just better writing.”
On the East Coast, viewers lamented the lack of Maritime content in the televised games. “Sure, Team Canada had three phenomenal players from Nova Scotia like Crosby, Marchand and McKinnon,” said Sandy McGinnis, of Sydney, NS. “But Rachel Reid is also from Nova Scotia and at least her hockey players know how to shoot their shot, if you know what I mean?”
Team USA’s will next travel to Washington DC, where President Trump is expected to name Brady Tkachuk Special White House Envoy to “Ice Hockey” before demanding he give him his gold medal.
