TORONTO – A local lesbian who doesn’t care about sports has determined that that is why she cannot find love and therefore she may as well just die. Jesse Cameron, 33, came to the dire conclusion…
Year: 2025
“They didn’t have autism in my day,” claims man with thorough knowledge of the history of the Caledonian Railway
Fredericton, New Brunswick – Despite decades of research, a Fredericton man says that autism didn’t exist in his day and that he would like to show us a replica map he created of the 1920 C…
“AI is just a tool” says tech mogul who is just a tool
PALO ALTO, CA – Tech industry billionaire Jared Banks recently dismissed fears over artificial intelligence disrupting the labor market by insisting that AI is “just a tool”, wh…
Real life Jason Voorhees? This kid’s mom is weird
LAKE LOUISE – According to local sources, young campers are getting some seriously bad vibes from fellow camper Lucas Cohen thanks to his mollycoddling mom insisting that he stay safe. “Lucas’s m…
Danielle Smith says Canada has some of the lowest living standards in the world thanks to her hard work
Calgary, Alberta – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has made headlines after stating that Canada has some of the lowest living standards in the world thanks mostly to her time in office. “I e…
Leading physicists claim Mark Carney’s elbows are in a quantum superposition of up and down simultaneously
Waterloo, ON – The Perimeter Institute for Theoretical Physics put out a statement saying that after months of careful study, they can now claim that Prime Minister Mark Carney’s elbows are…
Patriotic Canadians resigned to consuming Pizza Pizza
BARRIE – In the face of the Trump administration’s trade war, everyday Canadians have been taking drastic measures to support the Canadian economy – such as purchasing and pretending to genuinely…
Elizabeth May says she won’t lead Green Party in next election after Green Party tells her same thing
SIDNEY, B.C. – Green Party Leader Elizabeth May told supporters Tuesday that she won’t be leading the party into the next election, after Green Party leaders, members, and staff told …
Point/Counterpoint: The Nintendo Switch 2 is Too Expensive vs. Big Monkey Smash Rocks
Point, The Nintendo Switch 2 is Too Expensive There is an alarming trend occurring in the video game industry where consumers will purchase anything despite the increasingly high price margins. T…
Air Canada, union reach deal, forcing travelers to fly Air Canada again
MONTREAL – As stranded passengers celebrated the news that a tentative deal had been reached by Air Canada and the union representing flight attendants, the mood was tempered by the realiza…
