PALO ALTO, CA – Tech industry billionaire Jared Banks recently dismissed fears over artificial intelligence disrupting the labor market by insisting that AI is “just a tool”, while also himself being a massive tool.
Banks, 27, is a colossal waste of space and also the inventor of GRABBR, a popular phone app which uses AI technology to place food delivery orders on other apps to ensure they both cost more and pay delivery drivers less.
“People keep worrying that AI is going to put them out of work, but that’s just because they don’t understand it,” enthused the delusional loser. “The truth is that AI is a tool that will allow employees to work more efficiently, generating more shareholder profit while training the AI to take over their jobs at a later date.”
“Just relax and trust progress,” explained the clueless sociopath who recently laid off 15% of his coding staff in order to boost Grabbr’s Q3 shareholder earnings.
Asked to envision a future of AI-infused capitalism, the naive dipshit who adds no value to society or his social circle remained brainlessly enthusiastic. “If AI does lead to job losses, then that could be offset by universal basic income, which me and my fellow Tech CEOs will absolutely vehemently oppose.”
Banks, as well as his equally intellectually incurious billionaire colleagues, are united in dismissing fears that regular citizens could lose their entire livelihoods or savings to AI advances, while the CEOs themselves are thoroughly insulated from any such financial consequences and stand only to gain.
Despite earning speculative billions off an app that creates no benefit whatsoever for the world and only exists to extract profit, the utterly unremarkable waste of space purports to have a hard time understanding why the broader public might be wary of artificial intelligence.
“Look, just because LLMs have yet to demonstrate a credible use case outside of hallucinating facts or helping college students cheat on essays, there’s no reason you shouldn’t lie back and allow Silicon Valley to use AI to control every aspect of your lives,” insisted the fucking dork.
“Oh, and your children’s lives,” added the morally bankrupt chode who recently signed a lucrative deal allowing the Trump administration to use his app’s source code to spy on users without their knowledge or consent.
Banks, who has not had a conversation in 5 years with anybody who wasn’t directly employed by him, which especially includes escorts, made one last dismal attempt to level with the public.
“Sure, I may be a pampered and impossibly sheltered intellectual dilettante who has never once considered how AI technology might disrupt society and harm millions, if not billions. But on the other hand, I’ll sue you if you disagree with me, so you better all agree with my assertion that AI is a tool, and that it’s great, and that I deserve to have all this money and you deserve to own nothing.”
At press time Jared Banks has been appointed Acting Undersecretary of Labor and Turning Humans into Food.
