OWEN SOUND, ON – A heartwarming scene unfolded earlier this week when nine-year-old Billy Simmons rescued a chickadee that had fallen out of its nest and gave it a crash course on non-fungible to…
Tag: Facebook
5 ways to spot which Facebook friend is about to post a think piece on why “Valentine’s Day is a capitalistic trap”
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and so is the looming threat of a Facebook post by that friend of yours who needs you to know that you’re scum for celebrating Valentine’s Day! We all k…
As Google threatens to leave Australia, AskJeeves rebrands as “What’s the John Dory, Jeevo”
CANBERRA, AU – As a result of the ongoing dispute between Google and the Australian government over the News Media Bargaining Code, formerly defunct search engine AskJeeves re-emerged on th…
“WHAT’S IN THE VACCINE?” says man who doesn’t know what’s in his fridge
Barrie, ON – A local man unaware of the contents of his own refrigerator is demanding to know what is in the COVID-19 vaccine. Justin Travers, 34, is extremely concerned about the contents of the…
Twitter suspends Trump’s Twitter account after waking up from four-year coma
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Twitter finally suspended Donald Trump’s account for twelve hours today after the President released a video praising a violent mob of his supporters who stormed the Uni…
Poet takes road less travelled by, dies
BANFF, AB – Tragedy struck yesterday after poet Gregory Prince was found dead in the woods several kilometres off a popular hiking trail. Prince had been missing for several days after artistical…
Facebook responds to antitrust lawsuits with acquisition of Justice Department
MENLO PARK, CA – In response to twin antitrust lawsuits launched by dozens of states and the federal government, social media giant Facebook has purchased the United States Justice Departme…
Highlights of U.S. Election Day
Every four years Canada and the world get to nervously watch while we wait to see what fresh hell the United States will unleash upon the world. But given America’s unique (aka a product of slave…
Facebook adds new relationship option: “We’re fucking because they’re in my bubble”
Surrey, BC – Facebook has released a new relationship option for users who are fucking because they’re in each other’s bubbles. “It’s great,” said Mark Sanchez, who’s been sleeping with his…
Newly engaged couple posts Jimmy Hoffa-level mystery instead of just saying “We’re engaged”
FACEBOOK – Daniel Cropsky and Melanie Vitker have both posted a photo of a skyline with the caption “We’re mine now!”, and their friends are completely flabbergasted. “I am almost certain t…