TORONTO – According to research by Health Canada, the health side effects of trying to book a vaccine appointment using Ontario’s vaccine registration portal are actually worse for you than the side effects of the Pfizer or Moderna vaccines.
“With Pfizer or Moderna you may experience arm soreness, fever or fatigue,” said researcher Dr. Michael Bilas. “But with Ontario’s vaccine website you will definitely experience uncontrollable anger, frustration nausea and something called the ‘Doug Ford shakes.'”
“These symptoms appear to last for days or even weeks after exposure to the website.”
The government is warning those experiencing these effects (known as the bureaucracy fever) to immediately isolate, lest they be exposed to press conference where Christine Elliot claims the system is working well.
“Not everyone gets the side effects of course. But if you want to be safe you should just avoid the registration site altogether and just use a vaccine pop-up, provided of course you have all day to spend waiting in line, and aren’t susceptible to heat stroke.”
Despite the issues Ontarians continue to get vaccinated in record numbers, making this the first government health campaign to ever succeed in spite of the actions of the government.