OTTAWA – Following the resignation of Governor General Julie Payette, in the wake of abuse allegations, Prime Minister Trudeau has been having an impossible time finding another astronaut to fill the position.
“You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to find a Canadian astronaut with some availability,” stated an exhausted Trudeau, poring over profiles on the Canadian Space Agency website. “I’ve been on the phone with Chris Hadfield’s people all day.”
Payette’s resignation was long overdue, considering her behaviour at Rideau Hall which involved, ‘yelling, screaming, aggressive conduct, demeaning comments and public humiliations’ according to an independent report. When asked to comment on her behaviour Trudeau was deeply upset, stating, “the Governor General is arguably the most important role in the Canadian Government. It should be conducted by a level-headed, respectful, self-effacing astronaut with lots and lots of space hours logged.”
Despite numerous comments from his cabinet noting that, no, the Governor General does not have to have spent time in space nor do they have to be a trained astronaut, Trudeau remained steadfast, adding, “look, do I know what the Governor General does exactly? No. Do I know it has something to do with space? 100% yes.”
According to sources close to the Prime Minister, Chris Hadfield has changed his phone number and Marc Garneau simply lied, stating that there’s been a huge mistake and his previous experience was actually with the ‘Argonauts.’ In response to rejections from Hadfield and Garneau, Trudeau reportedly said, “William Shatner was a space captain right? Can you set up an interview?”
At press time, the Prime Minister was said to be,”looking into Buzz Aldrin’s availability.”