QUEBEC CITY – Quebec Premier François Legault defended his government’s decision to re-open schools, businesses, and private care homes despite the COVID-19 pandemic by pointing out that there are some senior residents in care homes who remain both legally and medically alive.
“Yes, but so many seniors are still alive. With active pulses,” said Legault at a press conference responding to a question. “I can confirm there are at least a dozen CHSLD residents reported not dead from this pandemic. This is a clear indication that our plan is working.”
Legault also explained that his government will increase provincial inspections to keep tabs on any elderly residents who somehow managed to survive the province’s critically understaffed and underfunded care homes in the hopes that perhaps a vaccine or treatment for elder neglect can be synthesized from their blood.
The Quebec provincial government has recently apologized for the conditions of many care homes in Quebec, and is expected to apologize again a few weeks for the government’s future inactions.
“We’re encouraging more active seniors under care to improvise by knitting PPE for their orderlies and themselves,” said Legault. “We also hope families will get more involved, so please, stop sending your beloved grandmama macaroni necklaces and send her a macaroni ventilator instead.”
According to sources, the Legault government also has a plan to ensure that it stays 2 meters away from taking responsibility in the event of a second wave.