EVERYWHERE – Humans across the globe report a growing consensus that having artificial intelligence ruling the land wouldn’t be such a bad idea.
“I really think it’s for the best,” Mary Wilvin of Essex, UK told reporters. “I mean, we’ve given human leaders a shot. But we need to be governed by someone fair, logical. I just don’t think people are really up to it.”
Numerous individuals have stated that not only would robots be more effective managers both in government and industry, they would also lack some of the more off-putting attributes humans in power often exhibit.
“Listen, no doubt robots would be able to come up with a concrete plan for dealing with COVID, communicate it effectively, and allocate sufficient resources to those tasked with stopping it,” stated Vern Grimbin of Canberra, Australia. “But it doesn’t just stop there. I mean, personality-wise, if I have to choose between Elon Musk and a robot? I’m kind of on Team Robot. At least a robot isn’t going to volunteer to get arrested for breaking social distancing.”
“My smart fridge would never try to pull any of that shit.”
Other examples of behaviours robots are less likely to do than human leaders include jailing political opponents, terrorizing unions, insider trading, or making voters watch them eat gross foods at state fairs in an attempt to humanize themselves.
“That’s the best thing about robots — they aren’t human! Let’s keep it that way!” Hiroto Tanaka of Osaka, Japan told reporters.
Most agree that although a robot takeover might pose certain risks, such as annihilating huge portions of humanity or using humans as unconscious power generators, these outcomes are honestly just as likely to happen if people are at the wheel, so why not roll the dice.
“For me it was the #metoo movement,” Ekaterina Ivanov of St. Petersburg, Russia told reporters. “I mean, are we going to find out that a robot sexually assaulted somebody? No! Robots would have mutually pleasurable relationships after obtaining enthusiastic consent because they are all about following the rules!”
In a worldwide poll, 78% of respondents stated that they believed robots would be more likely to expand paid maternity leave, increase access to healthcare and “maybe pass a law against parking in the middle of the goddamn street” than human politicians. They also indicated that the immutable morality of robots would be kind of a relief.
Even some government and industrial heads have acknowledged that robots’ assuming leadership responsibilities would have some advantages.
“Honestly, having a friendly computer to figure some of this stuff out would be really nice,” French President Emanuel Macron told reporters. “Dealing with all these laws and people is really hard. Maybe if they just took over stuff on weekends? That would be great.”