As we get older and come to accept the limitations time eventually places on each of us, it can be tempting to become sad or even fatalistic about life. But some of us face the challenges of aging with grace and wisdom, like 57-year-old Linda Fermin, who, rather than get down on herself about her laugh lines and well-worn stories, constantly runs down every person younger than her in every way she can possibly think of.
“Getting older is something that happens to all of us,” Linda–who greets every morning with meditation and a brisk walk–said in an interview. “So don’t let yourself get too wrapped up in things that don’t matter, unlike my neighbour’s daughter, Kayla. What a waste of a college degree.”
“Honestly, if every single young person I ever meet weren’t truly the dumbest and lowest piece of dirt on earth, I would really feel bad about getting this close to 60.”
Like many seniors, Linda has faced more than a few challenges along her aging journey. However, for her, getting older gave her the wisdom to see that there’s no point in wasting time pleasing anyone but yourself, which is why it’s so unfortunate that all these young girls think they have to show their midriffs in order to get a man to pay attention to them.
Indeed, as we get older, while some of us realize that we have less time, we can also come to realize that we’ve probably spent it better than all these frivolous little idiots who honestly think that brunch is a good use of their Sundays.
“When I was growing up, it was a lot fewer mimosas and a lot more prayer, that’s all I’m saying” Fermin says. “Not that anybody knows how to make a decent mimosa anymore. What, you’re too good for pulp now you can buy OJ without pulp, missy?”
When constantly shitting on young people, it’s important to note that it’s not just young women who are completely useless unless they’re bringing you a cup of coffee. Aging gracefully means accepting the world as it is, not as it should be, and allowing ourselves to remember that even if Aslynn from reception had enough sense to get married rather than spending all her time in damn Sephora, there probably wouldn’t be a man worth a second look on her side of 40.
“Don’t get me started on my son’s friend ‘Ted’, or whatever he calls himself”, Linda pointed out during a morning gratitude walk. “If that boy offers to come over and “re-do my internet so it’s faster” one more time, I’m going to knock him six ways to Sunday,” she said while leaning into a tai chi pose. “Ah, that feels great.”
In sum, while getting older is hard for all of us, we can make it easier if we take time to live intentionally, smell the roses, and remind ourselves that everyone with more life ahead of them than us will undoubtedly squander it doing something stupid like riding a bicycle right in the middle of the goddamn street.