OTTAWA – In a recent statement, the nation’s millennials have called for the definition of “youth” to be urgently changed to whatever age they are right now. “This is a crisis,” says Ashley…
Tag: aging
Brave! Instead of feeling bad about getting older, this 50-something constantly shits on young people
As we get older and come to accept the limitations time eventually places on each of us, it can be tempting to become sad or even fatalistic about life. But some of us face the challenges of agin…
Distraught 20-something holds up LCBO until cashier asks to see their ID
HAMILTON – Patrons and employees of a Hamilton LCBO underwent a harrowing ordeal last night after a 20-something adult held up the cashier at knifepoint. According to eyewitnesses, the altercatio…
Actor Luke Perry dies at age – what? 52 years old? That can’t be right
HOLLYWOOD — Following a sudden stroke, beloved actor Luke Perry has died in hospital at the age of, huh, 52, okay there is no damn way that Dylan McKay was 52 years old. Known worldwide for…
Insufferable hipster blossoms into insufferable yuppie
VICTORIA, B.C. — Friends and family of local man James Yorn have reported a mixture of joy and pride on seeing their friend mature from a shallow, self-absorbed, pretentious hipster to an e…
Man discovers he can’t bend over without making “Wumompph” sound
HAMILTON, ON – 31 year old Kevin Wilson has made an astonishing discovery. Early Saturday morning, while attempting to tie his shoes Wilson realized he was unable to bend over without makin…
BEAUTY SECRET: The number one trick to ridding cellulite – remove legs!
Wow! An exciting scientific breakthrough has proven the definitive way for banishing cellulite forever, and it’s just so simple you’ll be like, why didn’t I think of that! Remove legs! Participan…
World’s oldest man says petty grievances keep him going
HALIFAX – The current oldest man in the world, Johnson P. Bartholomew, 112, claims the key to longevity is holding on to as many petty grievances as possible. “They say an apple a day keeps…