TORONTO – After watching all 7 US Democratic debates, participating in numerous Twitter arguments regarding the primaries and listening to dozens of podcasts about the various factors that will determine the Democratic front runner, local woman Maura Scholbert cannot name a single Member of Provincial Parliament.
“This country needs an informed populace and strong leadership,” Scholbert told reporters, before clarifying, “I mean, that country, the United States.”
Scholbert, who was born and raised in the Greater Toronto Area and last year purchased a New York Times membership “just so [she] could keep up with developments in The Resistance” reportedly stumbled when asked to name a single—not even her own—member of Provincial Parliament.
“Ah yeah…MPP…that’s the one there were elections for, April, I wanna say? Oh yeah…it’s Jill—Judy? Yeah. It’s definitely Judy.”
Scholbert, who last visited the US during a bachelorette party in 2014, told reporters that “[the United States] is falling apart and desperately needs the right person to win, or Russia will take us over. It just will. I mean Canada too. What were we talking about?
After concluding a lengthy discussion with her husband about whether Medicare for All had a chance of passing in the Senate unless McConnell gets the boot, Scholbert expressed awareness that “something bad is happening with “the We’etsue’ten? In Manitoba, right?”