CHARLOTTETOWN – In yet another blow to Canada’s national unity, Dave Howard from Summerside, PEI has announced his support for PEI’s secession from Canada by joining the nearly non-existent political movement.
“There has been a 100% increase in support for sovereignty,” said Mike Dinning, who was previously the only member of the Free Islander Party. “The only way for the rest of Canada to recognize us on a map is separation.”
Some party policies include a special status recognizing ethnic redheads and the Island’s distinct slang, and “not paying $50 goddamned dollars every time to leave the island.”
With the Bloc Quebecois winning 32 seats and Alberta Premier Jason Kenney fanning Western separation flames, Howard’s enlistment in Canada’s smallest sovereignty movement could not have come at a worse time for Justin Trudeau’s Liberal minority government.
“Canada has told its last potato joke and will soon tremble before the awe-inspiring might of Prince Edward Island,” announced Dinning in a stump speech to his sole supporter Howard and a group of confused Japanese tourists.
Plans are in place to have a third member by 2022 if Dave can convince his friend from softball.
One day, Howard and Dinning hope a majority of Islanders inhale “yes” on a referendum vote.