LOS ANGELES – The entire nation is in total shock today in the wake of horrifying revelations contained in the HBO documentary Leaving Neverland, allegations which everyone already knew to be 100% true about Michael Jackson decades ago.
The searing four-hour documentary, which at best reminded everyone of all the stuff we knew but had been kind of trying to forget since he died, aired its first part last night, featuring two men recounting what everyone knew was going on at the Neverland Ranch but just sort pretended it wasn’t happening, because, as the nation remembers saying at the time, “C’mon, it’s Michael Jackson!”
“I had no idea someone so beloved could be such a monster?” said Pamela Spring, 46, of Windsor, Ontario, adding that she knew he routinely slept with children and never really bought the innocent explanation that it was “just sleeping” more than two decades ago but always loved his music so the two kind of cancelled each other out.
“Yes, I suppose this was all common knowledge, but to see it all laid out with moving music and cinematography, really blew me away.”
“Of course I heard about the abuse allegations which were settled out of court,” said John Walters, 38, of Vancouver, BC, adding that the fact the allegations kept coming had pretty much settled the question in his mind years ago and anyone who builds an amusement park in his backyard is clearly trying to attract children to his property. “But when I watched Leaving Neverland it all kind of came into focus and has left me with many questions.”
“Like, so, now do I have to feel guilty for blasting Off The Wall in my house when I do the dishes?” he added.
In an effort to protect royalties from his music, the Michael Jackson Estate has fought back against HBO in court, despite the fact that, as everyone alive said, “Let’s be honest, how could they not know?”
According to sources, the nation has not been this impacted by a documentary since last year’s release of Won’t You Be My Neighbor? alleged that Mr. Rogers was a sweet, gentle and caring man that empowered children and continues to be an inspiration to us all by encouraging us to treat everyone with dignity, love and kindness.
At press time, the nation still really likes Thriller.