HOUSTON, B.C. — As the RCMP arrested 14 people at the Gidimt’en camp, which is blocking access for pipeline construction, Prime Minister Trudeau pledged that his reconciliation speech would be one of his “best ones yet!”
While the PMO made it clear that Trudeau did not specifically order the RCMP to dismantle the blockade solely to provide him with a pretext for yet another reconciliation apology, they conceded that he would capitalize on the opportunity with a “timely and earned” speech.
“Making solemn apologies for Canada’s mistreatment of Indigenous peoples is where this PM shines,” said one PMO spokesperson. “And violating a United Nations Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples by forcibly removing them from their land should call for a doozy of an apology.”
The spokesperson added, “As we know, apologies are one of the many areas where Prime Minister Trudeau is breaking down barriers.”
With protests in support of the Wet’suwet’en First Nation springing up all across Canada, Prime Minister Trudeau is reportedly excited for all the “advance buzz” being generated for his forthcoming apology. Reports indicate that he is already working with an acting coach to perfect his crying on cue, and he is working with speech writers to find new ways to say “this is the last time”. The PMO also assured reporters that Trudeau will don his most solemn apology socks.
In a statement, Trudeau emphasized, ” Canada is a country that cherishes democracy and will forever defend a free press, and that is why we’re blocking you from covering the RCMP raid of the Unis’tot’en Camps – so that you can better cover my apology for the RCMP raid of the Unis’tot’en Camps.”
The PMO also announced that Trudeau’s forthcoming apology would feature BC premier John Horgan as an opening act, delivering his famous “I totally respect the Wet’suwet’en First Nation” comedy routine.