KAMLOOPS, BC – After several alarming reports, we can now confirm that the Jacobs family house cat, Jojo, is not having any of it.
“He won’t eat, he won’t respond to his name. He’s just kind of staring off into the middle distance and methodically rubbing one of his claws against the dining room table”, remarked matriarch, Susan Jacobs.
“I tried to pick up the little guy so I could give him some loving cuddles”, said Susan’s husband, Daniel. “It seemed to be working but when I leaned in to give him a big old kiss, he whipped around and nearly scratched my eye out.”
This isn’t the first time the Jacobs family has had to deal with an emergency like this. Only two nights ago, at approximately 3:00 AM, the feline was found causing a disturbance in the living room, knocking over pictures from a shelf and eating several potted plants. It was later discovered that the cat had used one as a lavatory.
“I had to throw out my ficus tree”, admitted the family’s daughter, Cassandra. “And that was a gift from my Bubbe.”
After that horrific incident, the Jacobs family decided to change the feline’s kitty litter, started buying the more expensive cat food, and just let him go to town on the leather armchair in the den. But none of these changes had effect in altering the cat’s attitude.
“These events can be brought on by some terrible and traumatic experience in the cat’s childhood”, explains Animal Psychologist Norma Mansfield. “But sometimes the cat’s just in a pissy mood. It’s a real ‘either/or’ scenario.”
At the time of the article’s publication, the entire Jacobs family had huddled into a corner and were helplessly watching Jojo chew on a stack of mail.