Speaking of the popular 2017 online shooter-survival franchise, Reynolds states that he is fairly certain that Fortnite is “some kind of video game”. Nevertheless, the unmarried systems analyst has persisted in engaging his young family members in conversation about Fortnite, driven largely by long-harboured desires to be known as “the cool uncle”.
“I’m worried they’re starting to catch on,” admitted Reynolds, while visiting his sister and her two children. Reynolds, who has not touched his own Xbox 360 gaming console in years, recounted, “I tried telling Emily that Fortnite was a lot like Bioshock or Goldeneye, but it seemed like she was getting suspicious, so I dropped it immediately.”
“I mean, a ‘fortnight’ is like an old-timey word for two weeks of time, but that seems like a dead end,” Reynolds quietly mused. “Is it a Snapchat? Help me out here.”
Despite having ample time to research or even play Fortnite independently, Reynolds has failed to do so, citing his moderately demanding work schedule and sporadic dating commitments. “Maybe it’s a TV show, like on Netflix? Dammit, I only barely just figured out Minecraft,” Reynolds mused, as he watched Tyler and Emily play the game Fortnite Battle Royale, mystified. The confused uncle then psyched himself up, before returning to the family dinner table.
Though Reynolds concedes that he cannot keep up this deception for much longer, he reportedly holds out hope that he can draw the information out of his niece and nephew, thus securing his “cool uncle” status for a while longer. “But what do I ask them? Do I say “you guys wanna do a Fortnite’? Is it actually a unit of time measurement? Dammit, now I’m more confused.”
“All I know is that for once Emily and Tyler almost think I’m cooler than their uncle Steve,” Reynolds confessed. “Usually he’s the cool one, just because he plays Ultimate Frisbee. Do you know what it’s like to be beat out by that?”
“I’m not going back,” Reynolds resolved, before clumsily asking if Fortnite had “boss battles”.
At press time, Reynolds determined that if he could not ultimately figure out Fortnite, he would rebrand as “the uncle who gives them beer”.