TORONTO — Michael Tibollo, the first-time cabinet minister heading Ontario’s anti-racism directorate, informed the legislature that he recently wore a bulletproof vest to a screening of the blockbuster film Black Panther.
Tibollo, who was recently appointed by Premier Doug Ford as Community Safety and Corrections Minister, eagerly recounted his experience of wearing tactical police gear to the popular afrofuturist film.
“Personally, I went out to a very rough cinema, all the way up at Yonge and Eglinton,” explained Tibollo during Question Period. “There I put on a bulletproof vest and spent 7 o’clock to 9:15 o’clock viewing sites that had previously had vibranium-ridden people killed in the middle of a huge waterfall.”
Tibollo went on to describe keeping a low profile inside the darkened theatre as several “dangerous-looking characters” battled each other with martial arts kicks and laser blasts. “This is the kind of heroic on-the-ground research that Kathleen Wynne’s Liberals didn’t bother to do. It is the Ford government’s number one priority to keep Ontarians safe from the Eric Killmongers of the world, even if that dude is totally smoking and actually made some good points.”
While Tibollo emphasized his bravery for sitting through the entire screening, he explained that he didn’t want to “press his luck” by sticking around long enough to see the post-credits scene.
The MP also had harsh words for the community he had worn the bulletproof vest to, adding, “I find the situation on the streets extremely dangerous, and think it’s a shame more isn’t being done by the honourable MPP from Wakanda.”
Asked whether he had ever worn a bulletproof vest to any other films, Tibollo answered that he “doesn’t care for Will Smith movies.”
Several opposition MPPs criticized Tibollo’s use of a bulletproof vest, as well as his assertion that the “crossed arms salute” he spotted several “criminals” doing was “clearly some sort of gang sign.”
Tibollo went on to explain that his experience of immersing himself in another culture, while wearing 9mm of military grade kevlar, will help him to implement Ontario’s anti-racism directorate. “Our police officers need tools to work with. I’ve spoken to Premier Ford about purchasing flying police spaceships for use in those neighbourhoods, and he said to ‘spare no expense’.”
Tibollo then said he is considering another outreach mission at Sorry To Bother You this weekend, provided his request for full tactical riot gear is approved.