WASHINGTON D.C. – Following accounts that multiple Trump officials were refused restaurant service this week, the 45th President of the United states demanded via twitter that people “leave my staff alone to eat Mexicans in piece!!!”
The tweet, posted 5:47am Tuesday morning to the President’s personal twitter account, was followed by another at 7:04. “Disgracefull! The Staff of the Gratest President in the World were insulted very badly. Treat people how you want too be treated”.
The White House has been quick to clarify the tweet’s potentially shocking implications. “The President wasn’t suggesting that his administration actually eats Mexicans,” said deputy press secretary Lindsay Walters. “It’s just that some of the human flesh consumed by Trump officials happened to belong to Mexican nationals.”
Inside sources at the White House confirm that while Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen and senior advisor Stephen Miller do tend to prefer Mexican flesh, press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders dines indiscriminately upon journalists of all national origins.
We’re just trying to do our jobs,” said Sanders. “I think it is absolutely terrible that the left can’t leave us alone, like we did to those children after we locked them in cages. It says a lot more about them than it does about us.”
The New York Times has weighed in, bemoaning the death of civility. “I miss the days when Democrats and Republicans could come together to work out a problem like the killing, cooking and eating of Mexicans without all this name calling and partisan politics,” wrote Maggie Haberman.