OTTAWA – After photos surfaced showing Chinese billionaires meeting with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau at a party fundraiser, the PM defended himself by stating that he only met with the foreign businessmen because he would like to have a lot of money.
“I understand that this had all the hallmarks of a pay-for-play situation,” said Trudeau. “But have you considered the fact that it feels great to have oh so much money?”
Many critics felt that by charging foreign businessmen for access, the PM was engaging in unethical behaviour. However, Trudeau silenced them by explaining that, no, he was engaging in behaviour that would earn him heaping mounds of filthy lucre.
“Some people say it’s discriminatory to only meet with people who pay me, but it’s actually the opposite,” explained Trudeau, cradling a 14 pound faberge egg. “I’ll take anyone’s money – anyone’s – and then they can talk my ear off about building a bank, or mining human bodies, or scuttling Vancouver Island, or whatever you want.”
Trudeau says he was forced to engage in this behaviour after encountering an obstructionist Parliament.
“They weren’t willing to hand me the fat stacks of cash that I crave,” explained Trudeau, weighing a choice piece of African ivory. “Gold nuggets, jewels, treasure chests, pearls the size of my head, a bag of coins with a dollar sign on it. That’s all those dinners were all about. If that’s illegal then lock me up.”
Trudeau then clarified that he did not actually want to be locked up as that would keep him from continuing to collect increasingly large amounts of currency.