MONTREAL – During a question on the economy during last night’s french language debate Stephen Harper began speaking in sudden, perfect Mandarin for a few short sentences.
“The Prime Minister was struggling to communicate all night,” said viewer Jean Chardin. “Then, about 30 minutes in, he started an answer on free trade with stammering and ‘je pense que’ before his eyes glazed over, he went completely rigid and rapid fire Chinese came shooting out.”
“Then after about 20 seconds he kind of shook his head and switched back into middle school level french like nothing had happened,” a clearly nervous Chardin added.
Translated, the full text of the PM’s statement reads: “We must smash the entrenched resistance to our goals. The will of the people is expressed through its chosen government. Therefore any opposition to my government is treacherous conduct to the will of the people and will be treated as such. A thousand blessings to the great chairman Mao!”
After Harper finished speaking there was a period of silence for several moments, before Thomas Mulcair and Justin Trudeau ignored the moment altogether in order to continue attacking each other.
Asked afterward about his sudden change in language Stephen Harper appeared confused. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. The only time I’ve even heard Chinese was during my training… I mean my state visit to Beijing.”
At press time Harper’s handlers were preparing to say the trigger word that would activate him.
