OSHAWA, ON – With gyms around the province reopening, local senior citizen Waylan Marshall is relieved to no longer have to resort to walking around the house naked. “Walking around in my b…
Tag: Gym
Home gyms struggle to retain members after early-pandemic trial period ends
VANCOUVER – At-home gyms across the country are reporting a steep drop in membership after an initial spike during the early stages of the COVID-19 pandemic. “When the pandemic began rampin…
Choking man with fantastic abs impossible to Heimlich, dies
VANCOUVER – Sexy, muscular tragedy struck today as local man Harrison White choked on a piece of locally-sourced, environmentally conscious hamburger. His rippling abs prevented the Heimlic…
Scientists confirm Kraft Dinner has never once successfully fed four people
TORONTO – In a startling revelation yesterday, a team of scientists at the University of Toronto released a report providing irrefutable evidence that a single box of Kraft Dinner, contrary to it…
Old man in locker room waits until last possible second to put dick away
BRANDON, MB – Sources are reporting that local senior citizen Morris Nesbit set a record recently in the changing facilities of the Brandon Super Fitness Centre by accomplishing every singl…
Gym TV closed captioning delayed by an hour
PORT ALBERNI, BC – Members of the Alberni Valley Community Center have been in a state of overwhelmed confusion by the hour delay of their gym TV closed captioning. “We are trying our…
Life Hack: You can just LIE about going to the gym
For those struggling to find the time to fit an active routine into their already busy lifestyle, the good news is you may no longer need to worry about achieving such a perfect balance as you ma…
Introducing a new gym that is perfect for your New Years resolution
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
Extreme fitness gym uses Nazi slogan as motivational quote
CORNWALL, ON – The extreme fitness gym Shred Heads is facing struggles of its own after several of the motivational quotes stencilled on its walls turned out to be Nazi slogans. “I think it…
Friend has more body hair than expected
CALGARY – Reports coming from inside the Goodlife changing room on Heritage Meadows Way are indicating that work friend turned squash partner David Cook has a lot more hair on his back, sho…