Brantford, ON – This morning adorable toddler Liam O’Reilly, 3, declared that Daylight Saving Time was a fucking joke and he would arise at his normal hour, even if that was technical…
Tag: Dogs
Citytv orders Rex & Rex, both cops, both dogs
TORONTO – After the success of buddy-cop-dog drama Hudson & Rex, Citytv has reportedly greenlit the spin-off Rex & Rex, both cops, both dogs. “We’re thrilled!” began Mark Scotts, th…
Nation’s lonesome travellers sick of telling wayward dogs to “g’on now, get”
BOXCAR JUNCTION – In a rare break from nomadic life, the nation’s lonesome travellers assembled today inside a moving freight car they all hopped into, to declare they are sick of telling w…
Jonathan Kay pretty sure cancel culture to blame for him using dog shampoo
TORONTO – After his tweet about mistakenly using dog shampoo for several months went viral, Canadian journalist Jonathan Kay has been hard at work explaining how exactly “the cancel culture…
Wanna feel old? Your childhood dog is dead and everything you care about is meaningless
Hey Millennials! Isn’t McDonalds still selling pizza? Aren’t acid washed jeans still in style? Aren’t we all enjoying life in its simple banality? Sorry fam, but the bogus truth is that time cont…
Study reveals that dogs in fact bork and do not bark
VANCOUVER, B.C – An extensive 38 year study conducted by the University of British Columbia into domesticated dogs species has revealed that every dog in the world actually doesn’t bark, bu…
Aunt Ruth to finally take COVID seriously now that she knows dogs can catch it
NIAGARA – Reports from within your family indicate a huge burden was lifted today, as sources indicate that Aunt Ruth finally plans to take COVID seriously solely for the wellness of her th…
Netflix to release a documentary on gay dogs: “There’s something there?”
Los Gatos, CA – People everywhere are at a loss for new content across many of the streaming giants, but it’s none other than OG streaming service and self-described “thots” Netflix that is…
Nation’s hamsters shockingly indifferent to global pandemic
OTTAWA – In a surprising display that no one could have predicted, pet hamsters across Canada have shown an incredible lack of interest in the COVID-19 pandemic. Despite Prime Minister Just…
Pet cats wondering when the fuck you’re going back to work
OTTAWA, ON – Pet cats across the country are reporting curiosity as to when the shit you are going back to your job every day. “I’ve been more than accommodating,” said Tigger, an asian sem…