MONTREAL — In order to prevent excess pollution to the downtown area, the City of Montreal has ramped up its Eurotrash collection service for the Canadian Grand Prix weekend. “Every year at this time,...
Misinformed Canadian high school students remember Canada’s sacrifice on Vietnam beach
HALTON – A group of misinformed high school students are commemorating the contributions Canadian soldiers they didn’t actually make on the shores of a beach in Vietnam some seventy years ago to...
Staunch New Democrat to vote Liberal again
TORONTO – Despite considering himself a strong supporter of the New Democratic Party, local voter Jason Poulos plans to cast his ballot for the Liberals in the upcoming election, as he has in ev...
Local man sits doing nothing while phone charges
HAMILTON, ON – Local man Ian Barslow sat in a chair for 40-minutes doing absolutely nothing while he waited for his iPhone battery to charge, sources at an open house reported yesterday. “He jus...
Local ant farm bought out by agribusiness
CAPE BRETON, NS – Tragedy struck Nova Scotia today, as one of the last locally owned agricultural sites in the province, an ant farm owned by 11-year-old Billy Lawson, was bought out by agribusi...
Local man underestimates temperature of dumpling
WINKLER, MN – Incorrectly thinking that he had let it sit on his plate for a long enough time, Winkler resident Fred Collins was burned by a pork dumpling at dinnertime. “I was hungry, and I thought i...
Prom night ruined by expectations
NATIONAL – Teenagers everywhere are reporting that their local high school proms have been completely ruined by expectations built up over years of movies, television and their own lack of under...
Local woman concerned Thai coup could endanger lives, upcoming vacations
GUELPH, ON – In the wake of a military coup d’etat in Thailand that has thrown the country into chaos as protesters and soldiers do battle in the streets, local woman Steffanie Bruner has admitt...
Lucky fan catches Edwin Encarnacion’s bat with face
TORONTO – Rewarded at last for a lifetime of support, local Jays fan Steven Quinn has been lucky enough to catch one of the many bats thrown by Edwin Encarnacion, using only his nose and teeth. ...
Rubber duck race in Fort McMurray ends in sadness
Athabasca River, Fort McMurray, Alberta – The fun community event which includes participants placing bets on numbered rubber ducks and putting them in a river with the hopes of their duck cross...
