Local dad convinced his balls will not fall out of jogging shorts this year
GLENVALE, B.C. — The community of Glenvale is breathing a sigh of relief as John McHammond has announced he is sure his testicles will remain in his jogging shorts this year. “I love to run…
Tory anti-prostitution bill makes payment mandatory for all sexual activities
OTTAWA – Justice Minister Peter MacKay unveiled new legislation this month that would reduce the risk of exploitation and danger in prostitution by making the exchange of money a necessary precur…
Forest fire devastates millions of acres of good firewood
SAN DIEGO – As firefighters extinguished the last smoldering embers of an extensive forest fire, residents and industries were heartbroken about the loss of perfectly good firewood that the…
Hudak blames economists, math, unions, civil servants, the elderly, youth, middle class, the poor, Ontarians for defeat
TORONTO – Outgoing Ontario Progressive Conservative Leader Tim Hudak has faulted the resounding electoral defeat of his party on economists, math, unions, civil servants, the elderly, youth…
Soccer fans warming up car horns for World Cup
TORONTO – Football (or soccer) fans in the nation’s largest city are busy preparing their car horns ahead of the World Cup this year in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, so they can honk them ceasele…
How can Team Canada get into the next World Cup?
Canada has not made the World Cup since 1986. How can Team Canada make the next one? 1. Call it football – not soccer – like everybody else 2. Out-bribe the highest FIFA bidder 3. Wai…
Saskatoon honours Joni Mitchell with new parking lot
SASKATOON – After years of contemplation on how to pay tribute to an iconic Canadian musician, the City of Saskatoon will honour Joni Mitchell with a 400 space parking lot. The Joni Mitchel…
Google unveils carless driver
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CALIFORNIA – In a move that promises to ravish and dilapidate the transportation industry, technology leviathan Google, Inc. has revealed ‘Walker’: a fully-functional p…
English Canadian unable to explain Quebec to foreign friend
OTTAWA – Shortly after welcoming his friend Jack from Australia into his home, local man Stephen Christie found himself unable to properly satisfy his visitors’ many questions about Quebec …
