Boring Canada still has no Ebola: report

OTTAWA – Citizens are expressing boredom with the fact that Canada still has no cases of Ebola, a new report finds. “It’s good that we’re safe but Canada news is so boring. Just…

Ottawa Senators: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview

  Team: Ottawa Senators Mascot: A Carleton University student wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs hoodie 2013-2014 season: The Senators’ elimination from playoff contention in the final week of th…

Harper authorizes use of CF-18s for Question Period

OTTAWA – In response to increasing instability, Prime Minister Stephen Harper authorized the deployment of Canada’s fleet of CF-18s to the combat aggressive insurgent forces present in Ques…

Vancouver Canucks: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview

Team: Vancouver Canucks Mascot: The green men’s bulge 2013-14 Season: Tired of boring things like scoring goals and having a good powerplay, the 2013-14 Canucks’ primary focus was on losing games…

Edmonton Oilers: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview

Team: Edmonton Oilers Mascot: A middle aged man who won’t stop talking about the 1980s.  2013-14 Season: The Oilers entered the season with a lot of young, unproven talent who then proved themsel…

Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews

Name: Dalhousie Nickname: Smug and moist Motto: “Where Ontario comes to party” History:  Founded in 1818, by George Ramsay, 9th Earl of Dalhousie, Dalhousie University didn’t hold its first cours…

UPDATE: Chinese government warns that democracy may make nation more like USA

HONG KONG – Chinese leaders continued to pressure Hong Kong protestors this week, giving them strong warnings that democracy could lead the nation down a dangerous path similar to that of t…

Winnipeg Jets: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview

Team: Winnipeg Jets Mascot: The guy outside the arena still talking about Teemu Selanne’s rookie year. 2013-14 Season: Good enough not to leave again Key Additions: For some reason Winnipeg, the …

Canada’s first case of Ebola wondering where to find airport exit

MONTREAL – Canada’s first future Ebola patient has been aimlessly walking around in the arrivals section of Montreal’s airport  for the past 15 minutes in a search for the exit. Harold Sidn…

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