Bank of Canada Governor asks unemployed youth if they’ve considered serfdom

OTTAWA – With youth unemployment skyrocketing across Canada, Bank of Canada Governor Stephen Poloz is recommending that young people consider the ancient feudal status of serfdom to boost their c…

Stock market soars after banking cartel promises to keep pretending economy is real

Investors poured cash into the markets as central bank leaders from around the world met this week and announced that they would continue to maintain the illusion that the economic system was som…

Manitoba Premier now accepting applications for Finance Minister on Craigslist

WINNIPEG – After the resignation of five cabinet ministers in protest, Manitoba Premier Greg Selinger is attracting the very best replacements with job advertisements on Craigslist. The onl…

Local insomniac having hard time appreciating end to daylight savings

PERTH, ON – Local insomniac Evan Sampson is having difficulty appreciating the end of Daylight Savings time, which grants him an additional hour in his day. “Why?” asked a visib…

Man suffocates to death in Mike Duffy mask

HALIFAX, NS – Tragedy struck a Halloween party in downtown Halifax last night. Joe Wallis, who was dressed up as Mike Duffy was pronounced dead after suffocating in his mask. “We believe th…

Children rejoice after woman who handed out raisins for Halloween dies

BARRIE – Local children are celebrating after learning that the widow who keeps giving them raisins for Halloween has died. “Alright, she’s dead!” rejoiced nine-year old Jackson LeMay weari…

Let’s not jump to conclusions about Jian until we have the facts

BY: BIG EARS TEDDY Friends, fans, Canadians, I, like many of you, was deeply disturbed by allegations made earlier this week against my friend, roommate, and boss Jian Ghomeshi. I, like many of y…

Study: Most Canadians can’t name all 9 provinces

A study released today showed 93% of Canadians could not name all 9 Canadian provinces and 2 territories. The study, by Ipos-Reid, struck some observers as worrying. “When only 27% of peopl…

Income splitting to help struggling wealthy family buy another BMW

RICHMOND HILL – The Harper government’s plan to permit married couples with children to split their earnings for a higher tax savings will help a disadvantaged family struggling to buy anot…

Local pumpkin excited to find out what Jack-o-Lantern is

WHITBY — A delighted local pumpkin has expressed mounting excitement about getting to see his first Jack-o-Lantern this Halloween. “From the minute they [the Henderson family, the pumpkin’s purch…