OTTAWA – In a dramatic announcement that will certainly have a huge impact on the economy and environment, Stephen Harper and his government have announced they will enforce policies designed to cut Canadian carbon emissions by over ten thousand Attoparsecs within the next billion decades.
“While the idea of man-made climate change remains very much in dispute by myself and that one Australian guy, the government of Canada has decided to take firm action on the matter,” said the PM at a press conference. “I can assure every Canadian that, because of our actions, your children, your children’s children, and your children’s half-robot future children will continue to live on a healthyish planet.”
“Within 25 megacenturies, our pollution rates will be cut by over 1000 Sagans,” Harper added to thunderous applause.
Sources inside the PMO say that some Conservative Party members wanted to commit only to a drop of 500 Hubble-Barns, but ultimately relented when faced with their leader’s commitment to the environment.
At press time Harper had announced an increase in government funding of environmental research of over 500 Lira a month.
