Boring student spends year abroad in Buffalo
BUFFALO, NY – Halfway into his year-abroad, Hamilton native Walter Meadows is reporting satisfaction with the cultural experience he’s received as a transfer student to upstate New York. Ci…
Newfoundland Premier-Designate accused of insufficient quirkiness
ST. JOHN’S – The winner of Saturday’s Progressive Conservative Leadership race, Paul Davis, stands accused of being insufficiently unusual to lead Newfoundland and Labrador. Opposition pol…
Hazel McCallion to retire due to Golden Girls marathon
MISSISSAUGA – Long time Mayor of Mississauga Hazel McCallion has recently announced that, after 30 years of sitting the mayoral seat, she’s ready to hang up her sash. According to Mccallion…
New Tory bill aims to make refugees feel more at home by keeping them in poverty
OTTAWA – Conservative Members of Parliament are proposing a new bill that the party hopes will make refugees feel more at home in Canada by ensuring their new lives remain as destitute and hopele…
Local leaves lament frail mortality of poet
CALGARY — This September, as children leave their summer games to return to school, and their parents begin to reluctantly don winter sweaters, the leaves outside the window of local poet Thom Mu…
Obama announces airstrikes against Ebola
WASHINGTON – Under heavy pressure from the international community to respond, President Barack Obama announced he will use surgical airstrikes in West Africa to defeat Ebola. “The United S…
Husband absent mindedly says words that will be thrown in his face for rest of life
MEDICINE HAT, AB – In between scrolling through Netflix and checking texts on his phone local man Garry Wood, 32, has casually uttered the seemingly random sequence of words that his wife, …
NFL to nation’s women: ‘Please stop letting our star players assault you’
NEW YORK – Citing the need to correct longstanding issues within its organization, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, along with coaches from across the country, pleaded with the nation’s wome…
Drug user replaced by drug dealer in Toronto mayoral race
TORONTO – Notorious drug user Rob Ford has stepped down from his mayoral candidacy and been replaced by his brother, notorious drug dealer Doug Ford. “Torontonians want someone discreet, wh…
