Judging scandal gives tough guy excuse to talk about Olympic ice dancing
Sudbury, ON – Local bartender and former minor league hockey enforcer Jake Schmidt has been outraged by the alleged judge fixing in Sochi figure skating, in which the Russians have supposed…
Landlord successfully freezes apartment’s bed bugs by not fixing heater
MONTREAL – In what is being called a courageous act of apathy, a landlord has eliminated most of his building’s bed bugs by ignoring calls to fix the building’s centralized heating system. …
Whole Foods introduces new gluten pizza
AUSTIN, TX – Health-conscious grocery chain Whole Foods will be launching a new kind of pizza which they promise will revolutionize the way their customers think about pizza by introducing …
Feds reduce healthcare budget to invest in megacemetery
OTTAWA – In a move that has been lauded by right-wing policy experts, the Harper government announced plans today to slash the nation’s healthcare budget in order to finance construction of…
Nation’s moms really looking forward to ice dancing portion of Winter Olympic Games
Winkler, MB — Admitting that they didn’t much care for any of the other televised sporting events, the nation’s mothers told reporters this week that they simply cannot wait to watch all the ice …
Upworthy changes all of existence in one short, feel-good, light on facts article
THE INTERNET – The social media sharing curating gurus at UpWorthy just published an infographic, 47-second video and gif that will blow the top off of everything, ever. “What an amazing day for …
Team Canada fails to medal at Opening Olympic Ceremonies again
SOCHI – For the 22nd time in Winter Olympic history, Team Canada has failed to win a medal on the opening ceremonies event. “It’s really disappointing that we couldn’t mak…
Meteorologists hard at work preparing Springtime weather buzzword
WINNIPEG – The innovative meteorologists behind the term “Polar Vortex” and more recently “Chillahedron” and “Popsiclypse” are putting in overtime to com…
Putin vows to finish Sochi Olympic facilities in time for next Sochi Olympics
SOCHI, Russia — Amid complaints from international media that much of the Sochi olympic facilities are still under construction and the hotel accommodations essentially unlivable, Russian P…
