REGINA – Reports are circulating that local man Taylor Klint has continued his evolution along the douchebag spectrum by publicly reading and quoting from The Fountainhead. “I knew where he was ...
Local jets losing their mind at dog show
EDMONTON – A dog show has caused an uproar among local jet owners, after the show caused many jets to become panicked and upset. “All day my cute little Lockheed Martin RQ-3 Darkstar ‘Fluffie’ h...
Toronto voted best city in the world by people who’ve never been anywhere else
TORONTO – Ontario’s capital has yet again been voted the greatest city in the world by those who’ve never stepped foot outside its borders. “It’s not only the fashion capital of the world, it’s also t...
QUIZ: Which Saved by the Bell character are you? We desperately search for someone, anyone on this Earth, who is not Screech
Time to take a trip back to Bayside High! Which one of the coolest kids in school are you? We yearn to find a single soul amongst all of humanity who is not Screech. Our search so far has been in vain...
Blackberry to stop making phones, transition into palm pilots
WATERLOO – After struggling to keep sales up, Blackberry has decided it will cease making its keyboard phone so it can shift focus to manufacturing palm pilots. “Based on our 2015 research, we’r...
Trudeau approves Pacific NorthWest LNG Pipeline, citing future job growth in disaster relief sector
Richmond, BC – The federal government has approved the $36 Billion Pacific NorthWest Liquefied Natural Gas project; an investment which is expected to eventually produce thousands of disaster re...
New fashion trend: turning your cut off jeans into jeans
VANCOUVER – It’s the hottest thing since ‘reverse belts’, but women across Canada are now obsessed with transforming their cut-off jeans into full-length pants. “I call them shlongs”, gushed Gil...
Bombardier completes first delivery of horse-drawn omnibuses to TTC
TORONTO – After more than a century of delays, the TTC has received the new omnibuses it ordered to replace the aging wagons used on the Cabbagetown – St. Lawrence line. “These new omnibus...
Montreal Mayor Denis Coderre mauled by pit bull owners
MONTREAL – Police and paramedics were called to Montreal City Hall where Mayor Denis Coderre was mauled by a group of pit bull owners protesting the breed’s ban within the city. “I heard lots of...
Environment Canada requests additional funding to replace obsolete wildlife
OTTAWA – Following a disappointing lack of innovation in both the flora and fauna sectors, Environment Minister Catherine McKenna has requested additional federal funds to improve Canada’s...
