Canada upsets Puerto Rico and Washington DC by cutting statehood line
Washington DC – After months of Trump pontificating that Canada would make a great state, the US Department of the Interior has updated its “Statehood Waitlist.” Canada now has the top spot…
Trump puts 100% tariff on movies that force him to read
HOLLYWOOD, CA – After accidentally watching the South Korean film Parasite on Air Force One, Donald Trump has signed an executive order placing a 100% tariff on any movie that forces him to…
Jagmeet Singh looking forward to chill summer, maybe taking an improv class
BURNABY, B.C. – Facing increased scrutiny since leading his party to a painful election day loss, former NDP leader Jagmeet Singh has revealed his future plans to be, “A whole lotta not much.” Sp…
Canadians wonder if they can win trade war against famously self-sacrificing and unified Americans
OTTAWA – With tensions continuing to ratchet in the face of President Trump’s unilateral trade war, Canadians are openly wondering how they will fare against the notably harmonious, d…
“Is it possible you’re just pregnant?” asks doctor staring at woman’s fractured tibia
TORONTO – As soon as lawyer Marlene Davidson was rushed to hospital after slipping and fracturing her tibia, the doctor took one look at the blood pouring out of her leg and the protruding …
Poilievre to run for by-election in safe rural Alberta riding, after rural Texas riding not available
OTTAWA – Opposition leader Pierre Poilievre has announced that he will run in a by-election in the conservative stronghold of Battle River-Crowfoot, after being told that he could not run i…
Trump sends Carney a congratulatory basket of deported children
OTTAWA – Following Prime Minister Mark Carney’s successful campaign in the recent federal election, US President Donald Trump is sending him a gift basket filled with the only US export tha…
Poilievre declares Squatter’s Rights over Stornoway House
“As long as I don’t leave, you can’t kick me out. And fortunately I don’t have a job to go to anymore!” It’s our regularly scheduled election special. Brought …
Alberta shocks nation with same election results they’ve turned out since 1958
CALGARY – In a truly unexpected turn of events, Alberta has stunned voters across Canada by voting exactly the same way they have voted in every federal election for seven consecutive decad…
Op-Ed : “Say what you will about us, at least we never blew a 27-point lead,” by Auston Matthews
by Auston Matthews Hockey fans are always picking on Toronto for blowing leads in the playoffs, like that time we lost to Boston back in 2013, 2018, 2019 or that time we lost to them again in 202…
