Gilmore Girls is coming back! We can’t wait to see what some of television’s most cherished fuckboys are up to now. While you wait for the Netflix reunion, take this quiz to determine if your reprehen...
Royal Ontario Museum chooses lucky 10-year-old to be its next mummy
TORONTO – After months of suspense, the Royal Ontario Museum’s golden ticket has finally been found by lucky 10-year-old Aiden Samuels, soon to be the ROM’s next mummy. “Aiden’s a really lucky k...
Health Canada to crack down on vaping in order to stop nation from looking lame
OTTAWA – The federal government plans to regulate the sale and consumption of e-cigarettes in order to stop Canadians from looking like a bunch of assholes all the time. “There are simply too ma...
Queen’s students torn on which racist theme-party to go to tonight
KINGSTON, ON – A group of Queen’s University students are divided on which of the five cultural appropriation costume parties they would like to attend this evening. Negotiations to break the st...
Genetic Lottery Commercial
What would you do if you won the genetic lotto? The Beaverton airs tonight at 10:30pm (et) on The Comedy Network, immediately followed by our writers panel Facebook Livestream....
Struggling Toronto Symphony Orchestra rebrands as buddy-cop comedy
TORONTO – Following yet another quarter of disappointing returns, the Toronto Symphony Orchestra has decided to rebrand itself into a buddy-cop comedy. “Let’s be frank, most people don’t know th...
Conservative Party Leadership Profile: Michael Chong
Name: Michael Chong Background: As Minister of Sport in the Harper Cabinet, he was the backup goaltender for Team Canada’s hockey team during the 2006 Turin Olympics and had a 3.25 GAA. Chong wakes up...
TFC’s Giovinco tragically unable to stop scoring goals in everyday life
TORONTO – Despite not having played a game in several days, Toronto FC forward Sebastian Giovinco’s body has not allowed him to stop scoring goals, netting thirty-two in total across venues like...
7 YTV PJ’s that are still alive
Remember when YTV was full of the most hilarious, entertaining and chewing gum based personalities? They were called PJs and we loved them all. Sadly, most are now long dead but let’s check in and see...
TTC to implement “surge pricing”
TORONTO – Faced with a multi-million dollar budget shortfall and decreasing ridership, the Toronto Transit Commission is looking to raise funds and control congestion by instituting “surge...
