James McAvoy not sure which of his movies he got punched for

TORONTO – While in town for the Toronto International Film Festival, where he was sucker-punched in a nearby bar by a random patron, actor James McAvoy feels certain that it was likely perp…

Putin assures world no one evil has ever tried to invade Poland

MOSCOW – After Russian drones were intercepted inside Polish airspace, Russian President Vladimir Putin issued a statement assuring the world that no evil person throughout history has ever…

Doug Ford tells young job seekers “try inheriting your daddy’s sticker factory”

QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is telling unemployed young job seekers to “Look harder” for label manufacturing companies that they can inherit, or failing that,…

Pundits predict Trump’s “Thank you for being my pedophile friend” letter will hurt Democrats somehow

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After journalists revealed that President Trump wrote a birthday message to notorious sex offender Jeffrey Epstein reading, “I sure enjoyed the sex crimes you did, fellow sex c…

RFK Jr.’s new vaccine board includes Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Doctor Doom and Dr. Evil

Kennedy’s Volcano Lair, D.C. – Robert Kennedy Jr. has shocked the scientific community after firing the entire vaccine board and replacing them with Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Doctor Doom, and Dr. E…

Visibly trembling Oilers fan insists he’s not worried about McDavid contract situation

EDMONTON – With training camp about a week away and no sign of Connor McDavid signing an extension anytime soon, Oilers fan and visibly shaking from head to toe human being Malcolm Serrano …

Poilievre demands Carney scrap Temporary Foreign Worker program so Conservatives can quietly reinstate it

OTTAWA – Pierre Poilievre is demanding the TFW program be scrapped, in order for him to ride a wave of public resentment over immigrant labour into the Prime Minister’s office before …

Everything you need to know about Alberta’s book ban

1. According to Danielle Smith it’s not a book ban, just an order banning certain books 2. The order written in July by Education Minister Demetrios Nicolaides contained such explicit descr…

Carney hoping Canadians too busy applying for jobs to notice skyrocketing unemployment numbers

OTTAWA – In the wake of a jobs report showing the national economy lost 66,000 in August alone, Prime Minister is hoping that Canadians will be too preoccupied with filling out online job a…

Carney cancels invite for Project 2025 mastermind, wants fascist takeover of Canada to be more of a surprise

OTTAWA – A planned reception for the architect of Project 2025 – the infamous policy blueprint for the Trump Administration – has been cancelled because Mark Carney wants the pl…