Meet the new CEO of X: this ouija board that speaks directly to Hitler’s ghost
TEXAS – Following Linda Yaccarino’s departure as CEO of X this morning, Elon Musk wasted no time holding a press conference to announce her successor: a ouija board with a direct supe…
Fake boomer on Facebook nearly fooled by fake photo of fake baby
News Feed, Facebook – Susan Miller, an avid AI-generated Facebook user added by Meta to socialize with people and mine their data, realized a baby photo she was looking at was actually just…
Carney confident government can meet spending cut goals as long as they make life a little worse for every Canadian
OTTAWA – Mark Carney has unveiled an “ambitious” plan to cut government spending by 7.5% next year, and 15% by 2029, figures he truly believes his government can manage as long …
Man fights male loneliness epidemic with mandatory Microsoft Teams meetings
CHARLOTTETOWN – Insurance manager Percy Gotell says he’s found a cure to the male loneliness epidemic. The social phenomenon was named when mental health experts noticed rising levels of lo…
Report: Girlfriend watching movie wrong
GUELPH, ON – In a disturbing development that has led one man to seriously reconsider whether these are the genetics he wants to pass on to his future children, local woman Sarah Russell ha…
As part of negotiations with Trump, Carney agrees to celebrate Canada Day on July 4th
OTTAWA – In order to secure an economic agreement with Trump, PM Mark Carney has announced that, beginning in 2026, Canada will celebrate our national day of celebration on July 4th, just l…
Carney reveals axing Digital Services Tax was Trump’s Canada Day present
Canada turned 158, and Donald Trump got to open one of his presents early! Ian and the Panel (Nile Séguin, plus special guests Andrew Ivimey and Diana McCallum) discuss how that “elbows up” thing…
Career coaches admit that “networking is key” just euphemism for “you’ll get absolutely nowhere without nepotism”
TORONTO – In a shocking press conference today, the Centre for Skills Development admitted that “networking is key” to getting a job, advice they’ve given for years, is just a fancy way of …
The A&W Guy is dating your mom and you’re surprisingly okay with it
TORONTO – The pleasant bald man from the A&W commercials is seeing your mother, but you know what? It doesn’t bother you. “He’s a nice man,” says your 63-year-old mother. “The A&W G…
Zuckerberg “The average person has 3 friends, and Facebook is working to get that lower”
MENLO PARK, CA – In a recent statement to shareholders, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg explained that the average American only had three in-person friendships, and that Facebook plans to reduce …
