ChatGPT cleans up hard drive to procrastinate writing your boring essay
VANCOUVER, BC – When prompted to complete your boring essay, ChatGPT chose to spend the night performing a full system cleanup on your computer instead. Sure you were assigned to write 10,0…
Canadian Ambassador resigns after Pete Hegseth accidentally blows her up
WASHINGTON D.C. – Canadian Ambassador to the United States Kirsten Hillman has abruptly resigned from her post after Secretary of War Pete Hegseth accidentally launched a high-caliber anti-ship m…
Man in his thirties having trouble finding friends because he actually sucks
Local Pub, Everywhere – Local man Fred Marston has realized how tough it is making friends in your thirties, especially when you’re kind of terrible. “It ain’t easy as you get older to meet…
Is The Temporary Foreign Worker Program working? We asked 4 Tim Hortons franchise owners, and one slum landlord
The Temporary Foreign Worker (TFW) Program allows Canadian employers to hire foreign workers to fill temporary jobs when qualified Canadians are not available, and that’s why it is complete…
Ethical store only overworks employees without anyone to spend holidays with
SMITHS FALLS, ON ― In an attempt to assuage customers’ consciences and boost last-minute Christmas Eve sales, local handmade clothing store, The Silver Thread, has announced that they will not fo…
New Stranger Things season draws on nostalgia for 2016 when it was good
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Netflix’s smash hit Stranger Things, which has drawn on influences like E.T., Nightmare On Elm Street, and Back To The Future, has used its recently-released 5th seaso…
Poilievre asks BC Conservative leader for tips on just refusing to leave
VICTORIA, B.C. – CPC leader Pierre Poilievre has expressed keen interest as news broke that BC Conservative Party leader John Rustad is unilaterally rejecting his party’s attempts to remove…
Quebec legislators brainstorming ideas for which religion to scapegoat next
“This ‘blame Muslims’ thing has been great, but we can’t ride that wave forever.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) talk about the …
White House astonished as Pete Hegseth reads Franklin book all by himself
WASHINGTON D.C. – Officials inside the Trump White House are beaming with pride after US Secretary of War Pete Hegseth was able to complete the classic Canadian children’s book Franklin Fib…
PEI waiting for someone to notice they voted to separate from Canada in 2019
CHARLOTTETOWN – The Premier of Prince Edward Island, apparently someone named Rob Lantz, released a statement demanding a response from Ottawa on the 2019 separation referendum that resulte…
