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Billionaire with doomsday bunker wants you to know AI great
PALO ALTO, CA – Artificial intelligence promises a bright future filled with ease, innovation and abundance, according to one of the several billionaire tech CEOs who has spent hundreds of …
Newfoundlanders use $500 wildfire payout to pay half a hydro bill
Salmon Cove, NL – In a stunning display of generosity, the Newfoundland government has given wildfire evacuees an unprecedented one-time payout of $500, covering 50% of a single monthly New…
“I probably did something to it” says man whose back just like that now
KAMLOOPS, BC – Despite the fact that his age is clearly responsible for his persistent lower back pain, local man Alex Verders, 39, is reportedly clinging to the belief that an unexplained …
Mark Carney still answering question reporter asked 6 weeks ago
OTTAWA – In what is being called “a tsunami of words,” Prime Minister Mark Carney is still answering a reporter’s question posed to him at a press conference six weeks ago. Liberal MPs and staff …
How dare Tim Houston ruin my child’s favourite summer activity: burning down the province of Nova Scotia
By: Peggy-Anne MacInnis The Nova Scotia government’s ban on any human activity in the woods is outrageous and likely unconstitutional. It infringes on our god given right to enjoy the beauty of C…
New employee quits over fun fact pressure
EDMONTON – ABS Innovations newest hire quit today citing the immense psychological strain from the pressure of having to deliver a sufficiently “fun” fact about herself in her first week. M…
Smelly man rebrands himself as savoury man
EDMONTON – Greg Abbott, a formerly smelly man, has decided to describe himself as savoury after many besmirchings of his scent. “Smelly is a childish insult that shouldn’t be used to descr…
Nation’s mothers hail 18-year-old tennis champion Victoria Mboko as new unattainable standard for you to live up to
OTTAWA – Following Canadian tennis phenom Victoria Mboko’s victory at the National Bank Open final, the Canadian Association Of Pressuring Mothers has proclaimed her as their new base…
Pros and Cons of solving traffic congestion by building a big ass tunnel under the 401
Doug Ford continues to push ahead with plans to dig a 19.5 metre wide, multi-story tunnel under the 401 in order to solve the issue of traffic congestion once and for all. Here are some of the pr…
Elon Musk releases new baby name book, “From Arargnft to Zrrfppfortt”
BOCA CHICA, TEXAS – Troubled businessman and 53-year-old memelord Elon Musk has once again made headlines with a new business venture, announcing the release of his new baby name book “From…
