Serial killer’s cat insists on lying right across the warm corpse he’s working on
CALGARY – Once again, the murderous work of the serial killer known as the Marlborough Mauler has been interrupted by his 4-year-old house cat, Ruffles. “Aw, jeez, Ruffles, not there,” the Mauler…
Ford to Carney: “Interfering in lower orders of government is MY thing!”
QUEEN’S PARK – As Prime Minister Mark Carney inks a deal with Chinese President Xi Jinping to integrate their countries’ electric vehicle sectors, possibly impacting OntarioR…
Conservative pundit who tried hate-watching Heated Rivalry openly weeping at end of episode 5
KANSAS CITY – As the Canadian hockey romance Heated Rivalry gains popularity in the United States, conservative pundit Kirk Burnham’s attempt to stir up controversy over the show̵…
Canada chooses lawful evil over chaotic evil
“We looked around for a neutral evil country to trade with, but couldn’t find one.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) talk about the horrific I…
2026 showrunners caught reusing 2025 scripts
Washington, DC – In breaking news, showrunners for the year 2026 have been caught quietly reusing large portions of 2025’s scripts, prompting renewed concern that the coming season will once agai…
Legault resigns to spend more time privately hounding minorities
QUEBEC CITY – Quebec Premier François Legault announced his resignation today, explaining that he plans to bring his famed enthusiasm for attacking basic human rights to the private sector.…
Snowbirds struggle to find sun destination not being invaded by the US
Cornwall, Prince Edward Island – Terry and Linda Haddad say their annual New Year’s tradition of booking a sale on an all inclusive resort was hampered this year when they woke up to news t…
White House insists ICE shooter had passed mandatory escalation training
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following the death of Minneapolis resident Renee Nicole Good, Trump Administration officials are unanimously insisting the officer who shot her had completed his routine …
Barbershop customer a little worried after seeing huge chunk of ear hit floor
CALGARY – According to sources embedded in downtown barbershop Close Shave, Dennis Elrich is worried his cut hasn’t gone as planned after he spotted a big, sloppy chunk of his right ear hit the f…
Polio, Bubonic Plague, Smallpox compete to see who can re-establish themselves in Canada next
MEDICINE HAT, AB – With the announcement that Canada has officially lost its measles elimination status, Canadians have begun taking sides on which other formerly endemic diseases they want…
