TORONTO – In a collapse worthy of the Maple Leafs, Toronto’s PWHL team has been eliminated from the playoffs after blowing a commanding 2-0 series lead in their best-of-5 semifinal against Minnesota. ...
Kris Knoblauch flips big switch in office from ‘split up McDavid and Draisaitl’ to ‘play McDavid and Draisaitl together’
EDMONTON – With the Oilers facing elimination in their series with the Vancouver Canucks, Oilers head coach Kris Knoblauch has taken the bold choice to flip the big red switch in his office and ...
Google announces plan to shove AI into all its products then eventually remove AI from all its products
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – At its annual developer conference, Google has proudly unveiled the numerous AIs it will be forcing into its products until some point in the not-too-distant future when ever...
Olympic anti-sex beds to be donated to college dorms
PARIS – After much deliberation leading up to this year’s event, the International Olympics Committee has decided what to do with the Olympic Village’s infamous anti-sex beds – they will donate them t...
BREAKING: Makers of 9-in-1 body wash admit it’s just laundry detergent
OTTAWA — In a stunning revelation that has shaken the personal care industry to its core, the makers of Düush+, a popular men’s 9-in-1 body wash, have admitted that the product is actually just laundr...
Poilievre throws hat in the ring to be Trump VP pick
PALM BEACH, FL — Following weeks of speculation about who Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump will choose to run with him as VP, reporters and political junkies have been thrown a curve ball ...
Sad about Alice Munro’s death? Here are 5 Alice Munro short stories that will make you way sadder
Alice Munro, the Nobel prize winning author, master of the short story, and person who wrote the best description of the human penis in all of literary history, has passed away at the age of 92. While...
Entire province of New Brunswick buried with Arthur Irving to accompany him in afterlife
SAINT JOHN, NB – Following an elaborate series of funeral rites, employees of J.D. Irving’s funerary services division have completed the entombment of New Brunswick’s residents and land into th...
To deter thefts, Loblaws to force customers to eat entire content of shopping carts before leaving store
BRAMPTON, ON – In their ever-increasing efforts to prevent customers from leaving the store without paying for their goods, grocery monolith Loblaws will now force all patrons to consume everything th...
Biden pledges to not smile the next time he gives Netanyahu one billion dollars
Washington, D.C. – US president Joe Biden has finally made clear his position in regards to the mounting war in Gaza, stating he will not smile the next time he gives Netanyahu a large sum of mo...
