VAUGHAN – Local bartender Henry McCullough has acquired just enough Spanish grammar and vocabulary in preparation for his trip to Mexico to be killed in its capital city. “Duolingo ha…
World
World’s sleazy club owners prepare to celebrate International Ladies’ Night
WORLDWIDE – Saying that it was the one day of the year when they could truly show their thanks, gross bar owners the world over are in the last stages of preparation for International Ladie…
Pope remains champion at annual Shrove Tuesday pancake eating contest
VATICAN CITY – Consuming a record 87 pancakes in under 20 minutes, Pope Francis has retained his championship title for the fourth year in a row at the annual Shrove Tuesday pancake eating …
After reading The Catcher in the Rye, Pope uses speech to rail against “phonies”
THE HOLY SEE – Following the completion of a recent read-through of acclaimed coming of age novel The Catcher in the Rye, Pope Francis used a private Mass sermon to criticize people he saw as “ph…
Young Syrian girl signs seven-figure advance for posthumous diary
Palmyra, Syria – Nilu Muhammed, a 12-year-old living in war-torn Syria, has garnered a multi-million dollar advance for a diary she keeps hidden under the rubble she sleeps on. “An advance …
Australia PM to Trump: “We’re the racist ones mate”
SYDNEY – A would be friendly phone conversation between United States President Donald Trump and Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull ended abruptly over the weekend after Turnbull in…
Journalist critical of Putin accidentally hits bullet while running at 1200 kilometres per hour
Russian journalist Saveli Nikolaev, known for his criticism of Putin’s interference in the American election, is reported to have been found dead on the streets of Moscow after running at 1200 km…
Slacktivism Defeats ISIS
“Thank you, thank all of you”…
Aleppo residents just feel super bad your favourite celebrities died in 2016
ALEPPO, SYRIA – Residents of the war-torn city of Aleppo in Syria, who have this past year become the victims of further atrocities in the form of random civilian executions, are strongly e…
Trump going to wait for KGB’s assessment before accusing Russia of election tampering
NEW YORK – Following a CIA report that alleges Russian tampered with the 2016 American election, President-elect Donald Trump plans to wait for the KGB’s assessment before accusing Russia o…
