PARIS – Jubilant French citizens took to the streets this evening to celebrate their nation’s Presidential election results, which mark the first time their country has been able to prevent a fascist invasion.
“Obviously the last time we were threatened by a horde of charging right wing extremists, things went less than optimally,” said Philippe Deplasse, political analyst for Le Monde. “Fortunately this time we were able to stand firm, which I credit to the will of the French people, as well as the fact that we did not rely on the Maginot line.”
“Also Nazis these days are such whiny bitches,” Deplasse added as he pointed to the angry group of young white men still holding up Le Pen signs. “In the past the Nazis used brutal tactics like the blitzkrieg, but today they use less effective tactics like tweeting at women and minorities for having opinions, or existing.”
France overwhelmingly won today’s battle against fascism, with early projections showing Macron handily defeating Le Pen by over 30%. This stands in stark contrast to 1940, when the fascists won by a margin of total annihilation to complete surrender.
The Le Pen campaign admitted they made a few mistakes, including alienating middle class voters, waiting too long to denounce extremist views, and failing to properly maneuver their tanks through French defences.
“This is a setback but it is by no means the end for fascism,” said Le Pen. “If we can defeat America after losing the Battle of the Bulge, we can come back from this.”