World's last two corporations announce merger worth “all the money” - The Beaverton

World’s last two corporations announce merger worth “all the money”

DOVER, DE – Hammering out a deal that experts estimate to be worth the entirety of Earth’s money supply, the world’s last two corporations have announced that they will be merging into a company called, “MonopoCorp.”

The news has sent shares for Landaxium Holdings and Globillcorp Enterprises soaring on the stock market, as the only two publicly traded entities left in any stock market. Investors reacted by trying to get ahead of the merger, which is expected to effectively end all stock markets on the planet, once MonopoCorp becomes the only publicly traded entity.

“From consumer goods, to financial services, to chemical engineering, the future looks bright for our shareholders,” said Guy A. Whitman CEO of Globillcorp Enterprises in a joint press conference with Jeffrey R. Borrows, CEO of Landaxium Holdings.

“We hope to find brand new synergies, and cross promotional marketing opportunities,” said Borrows. “Our newly attained suit of literally every brand and asset there includes, but is not limited to, oil products, the human genome research, your home, online dating, bottled water and military contracting.”

Sources say that Globillcorp currently does not have the cash to make the transaction, but plans to borrow upwards of $500 billion from one of Landaxium’s subsidiaries, MuniBanco LLC, which it promises to pay back after the merger is finalized, effectively borrowing the money from itself.

The final merger must be ratified by a body of multi-national regulators, a process which both companies are confident the will go smoothly, given the right budget.

The executives ended the press conference with a look at the new company for MonopoCorp, which features an abstract depiction of a snake eating it’s own tail.