TORONTO – The Toronto Star has become the 27th newspaper to run an op-ed accusing the rest of the North American newsmedia of refusing to label the Oregon occupiers as ‘insurgents,…
U.S.
Family arguing in Mississippi Walmart checkout accidentally writes new Faulkner novel
MISSISSIPPI – Members of the slowly dissolving Sendwick clan, Collum and his children Leonard and Franny, have unintentionally created a previously unavailable work from Nobel Prize-winning…
NRA mourns as USA hit by 338th totally random, unpreventable mass-shooting this year
COLORADO SPRINGS, CO – In a tragedy that no one could have predicted, the USA was rocked yesterday by a random mass-shooting for the 338th time this year. “After the first one this year we …
Turkey pardoned by Obama re-offends, back on death row
WASHINGTON, DC — The turkey who was recently pardoned by US President Barack Obama yesterday was apprehended last night after a vicious crime spree that left one dead. The 40 pound turkey k…
Donald Trump: “Some of my best friends are in databases”
NEW YORK — In a loud and unpleasant conversation with reporters, US presidential candidate Donald J. Trump defended statements made earlier in the week in which he said he was open to the i…
Mass shooting in _________, USA kills ___
__________, USA — Up to ___ people were killed and ____ more injured after a gunman opened fire at a ________. There were conflicting reports about casualties, but _______ from _______Count…
Carly Fiorina vows to end funding for Planned Parenthood baby BBQs
WASHINGTON – Currently polling at 2nd place in the Republican Primary race, Carly Fiorina vowed that if elected, she would personally end funding for Planned Parenthood’s “widely-known prac…
Trump announces running mate will be solid gold statue of Donald Trump
NEW YORK – Following the GOP debate this week, Donald Trump has announced that, if he is selected as the Republican candidate for President, his running mate will be a solid gold statue of …
Smith and Wesson unveils new shoot-ier gun
SPRINGFIELD, MA – Citing a decline in super cool firearms and wicked gunfights, weapon manufacturer Smith and Wesson has revealed a new line of shoot-ier, blast-o-riffic hand-cannons. “This…
Study: U.S. incarcerates higher percentage of population than prison planet 47-D56
WASHINGTON D.C. – A new study by the ACLU has determined that the United States of America imprisons more of its citizens on a per-capita basis than any state in the galaxy, including the r…
