WASHINGTON – President Obama announced that people going blind with frustration over healthcare.gov politely crashing will not be able to get this condition covered once the website lets them sig…
U.S.
Black man glad local frat is dressing up as him again this Halloween
CLEVELAND – When he learned that members of a local fraternity would be dressing up as the black man who lives next door, Andrew Thompson, the black man who lives next to Pi Gamma Gamma, wa…
Ariel Castro unable to tolerate being abused in a locked room for years
COLUMBUS, Ohio – On Wednesday, recently incarcerated criminal Ariel Castro was found hanging in his cell after he discovered he was unable to handle captivity. “The inmate apparently …
Texas executes 500th inmate, gets free sub
AUSTIN – The state of Texas passed a milestone last week, executing its 500th inmate since the Supreme Court overturned the ban on capital punishment in 1982, earning the state a free foot-…
US middle school makes trip to Toronto, Canada’s capital
ASHTABULA, OH – Ashtabula middle school students left on a field trip to Toronto this morning in an effort to see the northern nation’s capital city. “I’ll tell ya, it’s m…
NSA Thinks You Should E-Mail Your Mother More Often
WASHINGTON – Following the disclosure of their secret surveillance program, PRISM, sources inside the NSA have expressed concern that you’re not e-mailing your mother enough. “Your mother s…
FBI blames ultra-right conservative-anarchist North Korean Christian domestic terror cell that looks kind of Middle Easty
BOSTON – FBI investigators have definitively concluded that the bombings at the Boston Marathon were orchestrated by a fundamentalist Islamic terrorist cell supported by Kim Jong Un’s oppressive …
NRA branching out to appeal to more casual psychos
FAIRFAX, VA – The National Rifle Association announced today that it will make bold leaps with its marketing efforts in order to branch out and appeal to more casual psychopaths. “While the NRA h…
Antitrust Investigation reveals Westboro Baptist Church actually a subsidiary of Disney
ORLANDO – A recent investigation by the US Department of Justice has revealed that the deplorable hate group known as the “Westboro Baptist Church” is a wholly-owned subsidiary of the marginally …
