TORONTO – In a repeat of last year’s campaign, the Toronto Transit Commission is reminding commuters not to leave the safety of subway platforms to lick the tracks. “You’re not impressing a…
Toronto
Tipsy Kathleen Wynne urges grocery store shoppers to take off clothes, “get weird”
TORONTO – Appearing at a downtown Toronto grocery store selling beer for the first time since the province privatized sales, a visibly intoxicated Kathleen Wynne urged shoppers to join her in dis…
Taxi protest delays commuters just long enough to download Uber app
TORONTO – A protest by taxi-cab drivers against Uber’s infringement on their business caused gridlock on the Gardiner, Lakeshore and Queen Street, giving commuters just enough time to downl…
Hydro One offers grass-fed organic electricity
TORONTO – Hydro One has announced that all of the electricity provided to their Ontario customers is certified organic, and comes from local, grass-fed sources. Reacting to controversy arou…
80% of TTC wifi traffic just emails explaining lateness
TORONTO – A new study published by an independent technology research group says that 80% of the Toronto Transit Commission’s new free Wi-Fi network activity is just emails communicat…
Rob Ford signs multi-thousand dollar tracksuit sponsorship deal
TORONTO — Former Toronto mayor Rob Ford has just announced a lucrative multi-thousand dollar tracksuit deal with Adidas. After recently having signed NBA heartthrob James Harden, Adidas’ is…
Toronto undoes belt, lets gut out as TIFF concludes
TORONTO — Following the conclusion of the annual Toronto International Film Festival, the city itself let out a sigh, loosened the collar of its dress shirt and undid its belt, unleashing i…
Canadian man swims in pool record-breaking three times this summer
OAKVILLE, ON — Oakville local Richard Fisk swam in his backyard pool a staggering three times this summer, shattering the national personal pool swimming record. Said Fisk of the record-bre…
Toronto alleviates traffic issues with controlled cull of drivers
TORONTO – After years of downtown gridlock and extremely slow rush hour traffic, the Toronto city council has approved a controlled cull of drivers to help reduce their population numbers. …
