The Beaverton begins our coverage of the presidential inauguration.…
Politics
Kathleen Wynne gesturing with both hands again
TORONTO – In a recent public appearance, Kathleen Wynne did that thing where she gestures with both hands again. “Oh yup, there she goes,” said local woman Jane Green. “That’s her gesture t…
Dr. Prof. Hon. Couns. Kellie Leitch, MD, MBA, PP, QC, RSC, BBQ, GST, vows to protect Canada from elites
Creemore, ONT – Fresh off the heels of leaked audio in which Hon. Dr. K. Kellie Leitch, P.C., O.Ont., M.D., M.B.A., F.R.C.S.(C) insisted that she’s “not an idiot” because of the volume of letters…
Minister for Jazz says it’s about the policies he’s not enacting
OTTAWA – Under fire for perceived laziness and seemingly random governance, MP Louis Billings has been forced to publicly defend his appointment as the head of the highest jazz regulatory b…
Trudeau to have Christmas dinner with family, close friends, corporate lobbyists
OTTAWA — In the spirit of the season, Prime Minister Trudeau will be spending Christmas Day this year with his family, close friends, and corporate lobbyists at 24 Sussex. The Prime Ministe…
Senator’s video attacking Trudeau reveals dozens of sleeping Senators in background
OTTAWA – Conservative Senator Denise Batters’ YouTube video accusing Prime Minister Justin Trudeau of destroying the opposition in the Upper Chamber has accidentally featured her colleagues…
Premier vacationing in Costa Rica says he’ll be working hard on tan for Manitobans
San Jose, COSTA RICA – Manitoba Premier Brian Pallister has vowed that he will be working hard to make his skin the perfect bronze colour for the benefit of all citizens while he vacations …
Ontario economy booming after entire month without Liberal fuckup
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario’s economy has picked up in the last month, owing in part to the Wynne government’s recent decision to stop totally cocking things up. “Ontario is creating more jobs t…
Shocking! Wikileaks releases documents outing Putin as a powerful, yet generous lover
Wikileaks finally goes after Putin. For more important news, watch last night’s full episode here!…
Trump appoints Kanye West to Secretary of Caring About Black People
NEW YORK – After a meeting this week, followed by a flurry of rumours and speculation, U.S. President-elect Donald J. Trump has named Kanye West as Secretary of Caring About Black People. B…
