By Your Genes Well, we’ve been a pretty convenient whipping boy. Always there to take the heat of personal responsibility. You’re 40 pounds overweight, damn. You must have got that fa…
Editorial
Our city needs to bind together and do something about the issue currently making headlines
By Catherine Del Pierro Today I would like to write about something that desperately needs all of our attention. Our city has neglected this matter for too long, whatever it is. Yes, it’s time fo…
Hey Stacey I just heard a really good song we should fuck to
By Todd Isaac Stacey, you know how you’re always saying I should be more romantic? Well, I just had to call you about this really great song I heard today. It’s got an awesome beat th…
Being healthy is so overrated these days
By Dale Eckert Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one in the world who sees through all the health-hype. These days, you can’t pick up a magazine without reading about some nonsense guru pushing …
It’s getting pretty crowded around here with all of this high-definition porn you’ve downloaded lately
By Local Disk (C:) The other day I started a spring cleaning project and, oh boy, things have gotten crowded in here. I don’t mean to be petty, but if you could cut back on your downloading, I’d …
So long as you overlook my horrible communication skills, I will make a great intern
By Sanjay Babar Dear Sir or Madam, Thank you for meeting me in person today to discuss this exciting opportunity to work for your company. When my program advisor told me that I needed to complet…
I can slide rule your ass under the table
By Donald Testa Sr., Professor of Engineering Queen’s University Quick, what’s 529 divided by 23? What’s the matter, forget your 23 times table, you miserable excuse for an engineering graduate? …
Thanks again for letting me see your breasts last night
By David Dickie Hi Katherine. It’s me, David. How’s it going? Oh really? Well that’s good to hear. So listen, I just wanted to call you to let you know I had a really good time …
I figure I can wear shorts in this weather for another eight or nine weeks
By Al Lombardo Why would anyone want to wear pants in this weather? Seriously, it’s way too hot to make the switch to pants already. Are we into fall yet? Because, honestly, it still feels …
Hey brotha can you kick that Cheeto over my way
By Subway Mouse Hey you! Yeah, you over there with the newspaper. I need a favour. You see that Cheeto sitting over there by the tracks? I need you to get that for me. All you got to do is jump d…
