BY BOB RAE CHAIRMAN FOR FN (PTP) GROUP LIMITED PARTNERSHIP After over a century of failed policy, destructive assimilation attempts, and culture demolition I have finally found a way to solve all…
Editorial
If PJ Stock does not shut up right now, he is going to find out about the switchblade I keep in my jowls
By Elliotte Friedman It is an honour to be a part of CBC’s legendary Hockey Night in Canada broadcast, and to spend the second intermission discussing the most important hockey news with so…
When Elections Canada was investigating me, I shouldn’t have challenged them to charge me
DEAN DEL MASTRO, MP FOR PETERBOROUGH I’ve had some time since I resigned from the Conservatives to reflect on what happened and I’m starting to think that provoking Elections Canada to issue char…
Wait, if we get rid of religious headwear, then how will we know who to discriminate against?
BY PAULINE MAROIS Fellow citizens of la Belle Province, let me begin with an appeal to my record as premier. You elected me based on my platform of not being Jean Charest. And haven’t I done exac…
If we cherish equality, ignore Syria like Iran, Rwanda, and Darfur
BY KOFI ANNAN, FORMER SECRETARY GENERAL OF THE UNITED NATIONS With the drums of war beating among Western powers, I feel it is time to bring attention to the lack of equality we are showing our S…
I would remember more Middle Eastern leaders’ names if they didn’t change so frequently
By Hon. John Baird, Minister of Foreign Affairs Since the beginning of Arab Spring in 2011, people living under the oppression of autocrats and despots in the Middle East have overthrown their le…
I write horror stories because the real horror is society
By Derek Darklord Greetings, fellow-travellers down the night-highway of the macabre. I, of course, am Derek Darklord, and You, of course, will recognize my name from the covers of your favourite…
When will I ever need these equations in real life?
By Stephen Hawking A few days ago I stumbled across a major empirical inconsistency in the apsidal precession predicted by Einstein’s general theory of relativity. As I finished writing dow…
A day of reckoning will come for the tyrants at Douglas Mini-Putt and Go-Kart Track
By Mitch Clattenberg Brothers and Sisters; hark and listen as the glorious flutes of liberty herald the sacred ballet of popular uprising! We must cast off the shackles of servitude and bathe in …
Don’t be crazy, Elvis Presley died in 1977
By Alvin Priestly You know, every so often I’ll stumble across a news story about some person who thinks they’ve seen Elvis somewhere. Maybe they saw him in a blue Dodge B100 parked outside of Rh…
